And then I thought..

Night..

2011-08-04T09:50:00.000+05:30

I tried looking back, in the darkness
All I saw was black, musty shadows
What did I lack, on that cold night
The silent shower of your sight...

It Rained..

2011-08-03T12:18:00.000+05:30

The skies darkened around me

Water fell from above

I got washed in a sea

Devoid and sunk

I looked and stretched out my palm

The drops trickled, slow

The umbrella, I thought my only shelter

Lay far far away

I looked and stretched out my palm

I felt your sense of calm... stay...

She sat silently..

2011-07-04T15:00:00.002+05:30

She sat silently, in a corner, holding on to it. She had been feeling miserable. She had tried to distract herself. Nothing worked.. She felt empty. She wanted to be alone. Or did she...? He saw her, all by herself. He walked to her, not wanting to leave her alone. He took the piece of paper and turned it over. She didn't stop him. He stared at it for a while and looked into her eyes, and said... "I will always be your boat.. Please never walk away from me..." She smiled.

She saw their sounds..

2011-07-01T15:30:00.013+05:30

The little girl stood quietly close to a broken window of a desolate building and looked out at the many people on the street. They all seemed mixed up in what they were doing. Some people with high pitched voices and some with gruff sounds. One round man slunk lazily on a half broken chair with his eyes closed. He sounded like an angry pig every time he exhaled. A lady was arguing with all her might. The poor auto driver looked meekly at her, making several attempts at getting a word through. At a far end of the street a few boys splashed around in a puddle. Every jump made a distinct squishy noise. A young man drove the ice cream cart. The girl saw the bell ringing and the beads that jingled around the spokes of the wheel. Each turn the wheel took sent new sounds out.

She looked carefully at the many sounds that surrounded her. A fly buzzed about her head and she shifted her full attention to it. The fly left little streaks of orange in front of the girl. She tapped it, and the fly altered its path and flew away.

The girl shifted her attention back to the street. She watched the woman arguing and walked towards her. She stood next to the meek auto driver and looked up. Red sparks flew at her from above as the woman spelt each of her insults in saliva. The girl caught hold of one red spark with her index finger and thumb and turned it up. The woman's shouts turned to squeaks and her angry expression was replaced with a confused one. She had no idea of what had just happened and she searched haplessly for words. She gave up and stomped away. The girl looked up at the auto driver as he heaved light blue light around him. He got into his auto and sped, bumping deep red sparks off pebbles.

The little girl picked up a twig and walked down the street. She reached her home and entered. She took her corner in the small bare home she had and looked at her mother with hungry eyes. Her mother asked her where she had been, as she came to start the fire again. The girl gestured with her hands telling her mother her stories and she slowly came out of the corner to sit by the fire.

2011-05-31T10:01:00.004+05:30

In the darkness
I wait
For when the bright light shall go out
And leave me with the sole soul
Inside me...

You were the light I waited for...

The Notebook Man..

2011-03-01T15:59:00.001+05:30

On the streets of Bangalore roams a man in plain clothes with a smile on his face. He walks with a notebook and helps people cross roads. What he does with his notebook is beyond me, but it gives him some kind of strength that helps him be what he is. The Notebook Man!

We were on our way to office when we stopped at a signal. We were waiting for our turn to move when I got a glimpse of a red notebook. I looked at the hands that held the book and then followed the arm up to the face. That's when I saw this middle-aged man with his notebook ushering pedestrians to the warm safety of the side walk. It had been a long time since I had seen him last. My eyes brightened as I recognised him as the Notebook Man. He used to work the busy Inner Ring Road before, and now he stood on 100ft road, at the 12th main signal. I excitedly pointed him out to my sister. She frowned at me, she didn't see the brilliance of the Notebook Man.
The signal turned green and I turned to look one last time at the Notebook Man. After a few minutes of yelling at people for being stupid on the road we reached the CMH road signal. Much to my amazement, standing on the left side was Notebook Man!
I once again excitedly poked at my sister to see the brilliance of that man. She refused to share my excitement, yet again. How had he reached the other end of the road before us. How?
It's a mystery, that I would like to respect.
There stood Notebook Man, talking smartly to a policeman. He had procured a whistle from somewhere. He lifted his bright red notebook and ushered a few people. The policeman smiled at him, to thank him for his work probably. The lucky policeman, standing there next to the Notebook Man!
The lights turned green and we sped away. I caught one last glimpse of him as we took a turn.
I wait eagerly for the next time I get to see Notebook Man in action!

I knew that the effect of Notebook Man would not go unnoticed. A few days back, an anonymous mail addressed to me contained this-

An Ode to the Notebook Man

A quick step
And a sharp mind.
He may not be hep,
But he certainly is kind.

Armed with a notebook,
And a face that says 'I Can'
You better take a good look,
For he's The Notebook Man.
Yes, he's The Notebook Man.

I see you in the clouds..

2011-01-13T17:15:00.000+05:30

I look out of the window, and wonder at the many shapes strewn over the blue. The breeze moulds the fluffy clouds across the sky. The fumes from my hot coffee float around me as I look up. I move closer to the shapes. The clouds part, and I see faces. The faces drift, bounce and mingle into the surroundings. People I know, people who I have never seen before, all glide in and make the sky entertaining.
The coffee kicks in, the sun climbs higher and the clouds get a spotlight. Through the clouds I wonder why I don't see your face. Why aren't you part of the sky? Shouldn't I be able to see you too?

I search for the face I want to see. Are you not a part of my life? Why haven't you visited me yet then?
I take another sip from the now lukewarm coffee. There is nothing left, I look into the empty cup. The residue of the sugar forms patterns. I frown, and from the bottom of my cup, you smile back.
Peace.
The sky has cleared and the faces seem to disperse and behind one cloud, I find you. You are part of my clouds, you are part of my thoughts..
This has been a morning I'd like to remember..

Miysho's Adventures- Horizon..

2010-12-13T10:54:00.000+05:30

"Why there?" Miysho asked, as she looked to where her friend had pointed its head. "Hmmm.."
"Alright, I'll come." Miysho held her friend and pulled herself up. She gathered up her legs and hung on, as her friend swooped over the hill towards the horizon. Miysho watched as clouds went by and the wind gushed over her hair. She spread her tiny arms and closed her eyes as her friend swished over the expanse of land. Koto, she called him, her blue-feathered friend.
They landed on soft grass. Koto lowered his back as Miysho climbed down. Soft breeze blew and whispered to Miysho. She tilted her head towards the half broken gate. It led upto a tiny cottage. She pushed the gate and trotted in.
As she touched the door it melted into a bright glow of light. Miysho looked back at Koto, and entered the tiny hut. As she walked into the dark room, she saw an old woman in a corner. Miysho silently crept up and placed her hand on the old woman's arm. The woman had frail skin and she looked like a worn-out carpet that had been lying, waiting to wither away. Dust had settled on her and no one cared. She had been in the dark dingy corner and no one had so much as glanced at her. The light touch from Miysho seemed to stir her skin. She lifted her head and looked into the little girl's eyes.
"Why?", whispered the old woman. Miysho smiled back and held the old woman's hand. The woman obliged without much trouble and walked with Miysho. The pair entered the warm sun. Bright golden rays fell on their shoulders. The old woman's hand trembled as she tried lifting it to touch Miysho. "Why?", she whispered again.
Miysho sat her down on a roughly cut stone bench. Koto crawled up beside her and the old woman lay her hand over his head. Miysho knelt down beside the bench and looked up at the woman.
"You've been alone", she said softly. "That's why."
The three sat by the rickety old hut and stared towards the horizon. The lines on the old woman's face turned into a smile for the first time in ages. She looked around at the little girl who had rescued her from being hidden forever. She turned her head to the horizon; she felt like living, she had friends.

A battle in the night and a soaked evening..

2010-11-07T00:14:00.048+05:30

Oh sweet sleep, you bring me peace. You are bliss and I love you for it. Why then, do you turn evil sometimes?

You broke me...

I went to sleep, the moon shining in on me through the window. An occasional cloud glided by and soon sweet sleep took me. Somewhere in the middle, I took part in a battle. I lashed out at something and broke a limb. I don't know what my subconscious was showing me but I was reacting to it in the physical world. I kicked hard in my sleep and woke up with severe pain in my foot.

My subconscious must have been extremely bored and would have wanted entertainment. It just loomed over me hanging from the curtain and gave me strange visions. It sent flying bats at me. I stood, ready to face the creatures in my dream. I ducked as a big bat swooped towards me. I evaded the bats quite well and that was when my subconscious turned a little more evil.

It sent this gigantic vulture at me. I took a stance and prepared myself for the battle in front of me. With all my might, I kicked at the enormous bird. It fell, and so did my foot.

From the curtain above me, my subconscious laughed as my foot had struck the iron edges of the bed. The vulture I thought I was battling had faded away and the morning came with pain in my foot. I had managed to injure myself while I slept.

I still love you sleep even though you hurt me..

My dear dear rain, you seem magical, you bring me a smile. Why did you turn evil and pour down like that?

Why didn't you wait..?

My sister and I were on our way to do some chores when, in the middle of nowhere, our bike stopped. It chose the perfect spot, there were no buildings and no big trees anywhere in the vicinity. All we had was fast moving traffic around us. We tried our best and kicked at the bike. Nothing made the stupid thing move, it coughed a bit and then gave up completely. We looked around, wondering what to do. As we turned we saw big black clouds inching their way towards us. In my mind I said, "wait a bit, let us find a place to stand and take shelter, not now..." None of that worked. We mustered up some courage and crossed the horrendous road. As soon as we had managed to drag onto the other side, rain came. It came in full force...

We stood under a measly tree as it poured. I held a cloth jacket over my head. That was the only protection I had for the next twenty minutes of downpour. Every five minutes my sister would take the jacket and wring the water out while I replaced the jacket with a gift from the office. We stood there as the roads filled up with water. The rain kept its stubborn stance on. We finally gave up waiting and started walking the bike home. We had to wade through water that the skies had so graciously left for us. We reached home, collapsed and water drained out of everything we owned.

You were mean to us rain. You didn't just drizzle, you poured without a pause. I wish you had waited.

I still love you rain even though you let me down..

Introspection of a decision..

2010-10-21T21:41:00.001+05:30

I sat there, delving into some deep introspection. I've come to realise that I like to remain undecided sometimes. There is a charm to it. Eventually a time does come when one of the two must be chosen. Until then, I like hanging. I like not dealing with it. I enjoy skirting slyly around it. But can I really deal with this nasty foe I have made? It knows ways of making me succumb!
There in the distance sits the thing that needs to be dealt with. The big furry monster that looks greedily at my mind. That sneaky thing tries clawing at my thoughts. "I know what you're thinking!" it says. Ha! How could it know what I'm thinking of? I won't give my thoughts up without a fight. It is for me to take my time and decide. Go away monster!
The light shines on me as I feel the eyes from behind looking. That wily pending decision is sending his minions to squeeze my choice out of me. The gleaming eyes don't scare me. I'll not give in so easily. It'll have to wait.
What scares me more is the change that comes with making up your mind. How can a decision, that might significantly change things, be taken lightly? Think about it, wouldn't you want to ward off all the little creatures clawing at your brain? I like things to remain untouched. I know what I like isn't really going to happen. There will come a time when the mean, sly, mind crawlers will get through all my defenses. I'll be open to the world and my decisions would be out there.
My decision, the meek thing that hid from evil conspirators, is now in full bloom. It has been scraped out and it stands tall. It will now change the course of how things go. It'll reflect on what turns life will take. It'll be the decider of fate to come. That decision I had so artfully avoided is now a reason. It is a reason that will give rise to reactions. People will have something to say. People will judge, and voice themselves. They'll laugh, some will agree and some will make a face. Everyone around will eye my decision.
It's done, I can't win. There is no way I can elude. I know it took time and I fought well but there wasn't a way out. A decision had to be made..

Miysho's Adventures- and then it rained..

2010-10-06T16:16:00.002+05:30

She ran to her window, as a golden bird floated onto the sill. The little bird whispered to her. Her curls fell over the wall as she stood on her toes to look down. She wanted to see if the bird's whispers were true. Her face glowed as the bird took off and swooped down. It left a light trail of blue wisps. The air swirled around the colour that had blossomed in the wake of the bird.
Miysho pulled herself off the window and slid down the river of air. Her feet touched the ground as she bent over a light coloured puddle of water. The little bird seemed to nod its head in answer to her glance. She looked unsure. The little bird jumped onto her head and picked up a lone strand of hair that had detached itself from the rest. The hair was dropped into the little puddle. It floated to the side and as it bumped on the side, the boundary of the puddle seemed to increase.
Miysho stood up straight and splashed her toes over the water. The water bounded in every direction as it slid to the sides. It took every turn Miysho took as she skipped with joy. The birds flew behind her, leaving little drops of bright blue. The specks of blue floated onto the water and spread like magic. Miysho looked at the sight as she spread her little fingers. She stretched her arm out to catch the tiny drops of colour the birds had left in the air.
Above, from one of the windows, a lady looked down. She saw a little child playing in the light drizzle. She saw a little child getting herself dirty in the mud..
Miysho looked up. She saw a white robe flowing out of the window. An angelic face looked down. Miysho saw a wondrous sight. She raised her hands, and tried reaching the glow that escaped the window. The light from the window disappeared. Miysho swung herself around and flopped onto the ground, looking up at the drops.
A blaze of anger swept over the garden as a door swung open close by. The white beautiful glow held Miysho and took her inside.
Miysho followed, wondering why her mother was annoyed..

Simple Wonder..

2010-07-08T12:12:00.004+05:30

The stories that she told

We listened with intent

Our attention she would hold

She would pause at right times

And let us speak and vent

How time has gone

Since we heard her song

We blinked our eyes and she was there

To make things good from wrong

I don't know if she was real

She sometimes seemed bleak

Her essence was surreal

We saw and could not speak

She floated by, she lingered there

Her thoughts reached everywhere

Sometimes she had us assured

Without saying a single word

I don't know where she was from

Or what was her true form

I don't know if this world

Had seen anyone else like her

Sometimes we thought, it was just us

Who saw her and caught the buzz

Over the years, she began to fade

I don't think we tried to evade

The fact that she was going away.

She must have watched from a corner

As we moved to what we thought was better

She floated around to those who could see her

And continued to spread her colour

Until they would make the same blunder

And leave her world of splendid wonder

The Smile..

2010-06-10T09:34:00.001+05:30

He rubbed his dirty hands on his dirtier shorts. His face was covered with days of sweat and filth. He put a broken peanut in his mouth, savouring the taste before he chewed and swallowed. He rubbed his eyes and looked at the next person who passed him. Like everyone else, he cringed, taking a wider circle around him. He smiled and shook his head as he put another nut in his mouth. He cleaned the side of his mouth with the back of his hand. Folding his bony legs under himself and sat up against the wall. Another cringe and frown came his way as he made himself comfortable on a stone.

He was used to this. He knew some of these scowls had an ounce of pity in them. He hoped they did; that minuscule pity was keeping him alive. He squinted up and shaded his eyes from the sun. A coin was flung over at him. The clinking sound. He gave a half smile and pocketed it. He rubbed his hands and dusted off some dirt. It was just an action, it didn't have a result. The grime had stuck on. It helped get the clinking coins and added to his persona.

He jingled the money in his pocket. He had made quite a bit. He didn't mind what he did. It was a choice, it wasn't a necessity. He had made this a profession. He had tried working for his food, but this seemed easier. It had more profits. He got more to eat this way. He scratched his head, put on a forlorn expression and looked up at his next customer. Clink!

He was getting good at his job. He was getting enough without putting up much of a show. The day passed on and he dozed off on the stone. Evening dawned and he stretched. He rubbed the sleep away from his eyes and looked down the street. He saw a silhouette walking towards him. Ah! An evening customer. The lady walked confidently down the street. He put on his saddest look as she drew near. He was confident of some extraction from the source he had targeted. She reached him. He stared at her as she walked straight. She didn't change her path and look away in disgust. She didn't fling a coin at him. She didn't cringe. As she walked past him, she looked at him and gave him the gentlest of smiles. She locked eyes with him for a moment and filled that brief contact with warmth. His sadness broke in that instant and he smiled. It was less than a few seconds before she was gone. He sat there with a peaceful heart. No one in years had smiled at him. He had only seen frowns and revulsion. She had given him a moment to cherish. She had seen another of her kind in him, all she saw was another person. He had earned a lot today.

He hung on to her memory. He had had a good day.

Molten State..

2010-06-06T16:12:00.002+05:30

Afternoon sun

Shading his face

With the hand that held the gun

Squinted eyes, time to end the farce

Tucked away, he walks

Crossing the road

The perfect shape, nothing lacks

Opening the gate, spectrum broad

He thinks of that shape

Colours fade, sharpen in the gist

He closes inside, squirms, molten state

The wooden door, the hits from his wrist

The perfect shape with that smile

A hug, he froze and gripped

He softens and holds a while

Why is it this way

He gives another chance, waits another day...

Miysho's Adventures..

2010-06-01T22:17:00.002+05:30

She lifted her skirt above her ankles and walked on to the damp grass. The morning dew spread a light fragrance around her. She hurried along until she reached the edge of her garden. She drew the bush back and crawled underneath it into a little opening.

The sun seeped into the little alcove of bushes. On one side, the branches of a huge tree drooped down. The bough touched the ground making a little cave-like place. The little girl moved towards the bough trying to glance through the little cracks. She reached up to the branch and peered through. There was a rustle of leaves as something moved inside. An eye flickered open and shone through the darkness.

The little girl stepped back. Her face glowed with happiness. She stood patiently as the movement behind the branches increased. A bright blue, feathered head popped out and gave a soft murmur as the rest of the body followed. A magnificent bird stood in front of Miysho. Her soft brown eyes met the glimmering silvery grey eyes of her friend. She put her hand out and the bird lowered his head down so she could reach easily. He bent his back beckoning his little friend to climb up. Miysho shook her head, she wanted to walk. She slipped under his wing and bent down near a bush. She looked back, smiled and crawled underneath to the other side. Her friend followed.

This was her world. She stepped beyond her garden into a space that no one seemed to see. Her curls bounced as she skipped along the vast expanse of land. Her friend walked behind her. She reached a lake that seemed to glow from the center. She put her tiny toes into the water. Small wisps of light bounded and bounced on the surface. Little ripples of dull gold spread as she drew her feet back. Her friend smiled at her and sat down by the side of the pool with her. Little creatures from the water came to the surface. They jumped and performed for her. They made circles in the air and flew making pretty formations. Light spread all around where she sat.

There were dark spots that sometimes passed on a road behind her. The eyes from within those dark shadows wondered what the little girl sitting there alone was doing. She seemed full of glee and was clapping her hands. What was she so cheerful about? The occasional dark spots peered and tried looking beyond, to find what the little girl looked at. Those eyes clouded with life's possibilities couldn't see the clear brightness the girl did. Those eyes were already too exhausted to see the wondrous world of Miysho.

The show put up by her water friends had ended. She stood up and held onto her friend's neck with her little hands. The blue bird lowered itself to let her climb up. Her adventures had only just begun. She closed her eyes and felt the cold air on her face as they rose in the air and flew home..

Uneasy Silence..Easy Quiet..

2010-05-31T11:06:00.003+05:30

When there are just two people left to each other there is an odd kind of pressure to keep the air from getting uneasy. (When I say this I am specifically referring to acquaintances)
There is this need to say something. If no one says anything then you begin wondering if you are being silly or if the other person thinks you are boring!

The urgency to ask the right question, and make light of the situation looms over your head. You can be great at making conversations but the eventual awkward moment does creep up. Fingers begin twirling and making patterns on nothing. The silly glances that end in lopsided smiles keep coming in. You keep waiting for the other person to talk. There is this need to entertain the other person.
The people around you want to be heard and they want to hear you. It is a way of making a connection. They talk to you because they have a need to fill. A stranger would not converse with you without having an agenda.

Each person has a different quiet about them. There are those people in your life that you don't need to say a word to. You could sit for hours in the same room without uttering a word. There is nothing uncomfortable about the atmosphere. There is a calm aura in the air. You are just there in the moment. There is no pressure of performing.

Both situations have their charm. There is something to take back from every conversation you have with a stranger. Every silent moment with someone you love has something to cherish. People in general, whether you know them or not, all have an aura that reflects the things you feel..Good or bad, the other person is just like you. The core and material we are made of is the same.. Deep down we are one.
It's like the Mayans greeted each other 'In la'kesh', 'I am another you'..

Tonsil Trouble..

2010-04-26T15:23:00.005+05:30

I've had my fair share of visits to the doctor. I think I've visited almost every department in Command Hospital. I've gone for a broken foot, dengue fever, various bouts of the flu and even for my tonsils. Each one has had their share of fun and trauma.. The longest time spent at the hospital was for my tonsils.
My initial visit was for a cough and cold that refused to go. After a couple of terrible days on antibiotics I was referred to the ENT Department.
I took my token and waited. As my turn came I realised that I was facing a bunch of Air Force and Army doctors, all of who were studying medicine.. They all looked young and so I assumed they were all still completing their studies or were doing their research.. Anyway I walked in as one of them got free from his previous patient. He looked very serious and meek at the same time. He seemed extremely well behaved and polite.
As you grow older your experience at the doctor's becomes different. When you are small, you don't care if a small burp emerges as you protrude your tongue out at the doctor. As you turn into a young adult you get embarrassed easily and fumble with your answers to the doctor. If the doctor is a little old, then you know that you would be calling him uncle if you had been introduced under different circumstances, these species are easier to answer. The young ones who would address you as "Ma'am" if met under normal circumstances are the ones you wouldn't want to burp at.. I preferred the times when all kinds of doctors were uncles!

Anyway, I entered the room without suspecting or dreading any strange questions. I was really unwell and didn't really care about how I was going to be scrutinized. I sat on the stool in front of the doctor. He looked into my ear, he looked into my mouth and then proceeded to look up my nose. It was, after all the ear, nose and throat department. Everything had to be covered. He looked very carefully at my nose. I don't know how that small instrument in his hands works but he had seen something, because he took the paper with my name on it and scribbled something furiously. Then he said something to one of the other doctors who proceeded to look up my nose as well. I had no idea what they had seen..
"Please come.." He said.. and led me out of the room. I saw my father waiting outside who gave me a questioning look, I shrugged and sat next to him..The doctor took the papers in his hand and disappeared into a well curtained room..The head of the department..Wow! I had something that qualified to enter the well- curtained room!
After a few minutes the meek looking doctor beckoned us to come in. This time my father came along with me. We entered and I was faced with a jolly looking Naval officer. He looked happy and I couldn't help giving him a small smile despite my want to find a bed and sleep. I went and sat on the steel stool in front of him. This steel stool has been the common factor in all of my visits!
The meek doctor went on to explain how I had adenoids that needed to be removed because they seemed inflamed. All of this sounded very serious! I think he detected something in my expression because he then explained that it was a simple procedure and I would be able to go home in a day.. I calmed down a bit..
Then the jolly man took charge. Since he was the Head of the Department he had to cover all the three things he was the head of. He very quickly looked into my ear and dismissed it off.. He then proceeded to look up my nose. He then said some words to the meek doctor. Then he told me to open my mouth..
"Oh!" He exclaimed.. "Her tonsils will have to be removed!" He looked at me.."You are a 21 year old girl with the tonsils of a three year old!"
They had just finished discussing how they were planning on taking out my adenoids and now they wanted my tonsils as well.. That was too much of me they wanted!
He then proceeded to ask my father if he had seen my tonsils. "They are like huge potatoes! Come come I'll show you.." He said excitedly, as if he was telling my father that he had just discovered new facets about me my father didn't know!
Just before he could show my father one of the young doctors entered with a query. Of course the jolly man found my throat more interesting.. He asked me to open my mouth and shined his torch into it. The meek doctor, the jolly head, the other young doctor and my father then proceeded to stare into my month. I felt like a hippo at the circus who opens his mouth at command, so everyone can view the contents inside.
"Can you see that?" the jolly man said which brought out some ohs and ahs and hmmms from the spectators!

Soon the show my throat had so gallantly put up finished.We stepped outside into the corridor and resumed sitting on one of the seats outside. We had to wait for something more. Soon the meek doctor came back and told us to go to a room that had 'Mini-operation Theater' written on it! What was going to happen!?
My father decided to stay outside when the meek doctor politely said, "Sir, please come in.."
I was asked to lie down.
This meek doctor was really polite. He announced everything before he did it, which was sort of funny. I had no idea if I should have reacted to the statements that followed.
"I am going to spray this, it'll act like an anesthetic.." I nodded.
He took a long long piece of gauze and said, "I am going to put it in your nose..It'll clean it out..for the endoscopy.."
It was extremely long, how he managed to put the entire thing in is beyond me..
Soon, I was ready for the endoscopy. He took a long wire kind of thing and began guiding it up the nasal cavity. He explained every turn he took. He was very gentle and I didn't feel a thing.
After he had finished he called the jolly HOD in. That's when I realised how gentle that meek doctor had been. In the initial years of practicing medicine I suppose every doctor is kind and careful. As they become big shot doctors, a small endoscopy is below them..
When the jolly man looked I felt shots of pain in my nose! He wasn't gentle. Had the meek doctor not been so good I would have never known that there was a polite way of doing it.
Anyway all procedures were over. I was asked to get a CT scan as well because they wanted to make sure my adenoids weren't some other abnormal growth. My mother went into fits of hows and whys when she heard I needed a CT scan. She called my father a million times while I had a joy ride in the CT scan!

My operation was scheduled. I had many more visits before that. When doctors at the ENT department realised I was being operated upon they all wanted to take a look. I ended up with every doctor looking at all the reports. One even drew a picture of my nose with the adenoids and all. Some asked me if I snored for which I turned a bright shade of red and answered yes. They assured me I wouldn't snore after the operation and it was only because of the adenoids..
All in all after a month of strange exams and questions and a week admitted at the hospital I was free..!

(I do snore less now..hardly..!)

My Watch is Misbehaving..

2010-04-22T12:51:00.004+05:30

I like simple things. I prefer plain kurtas and small earrings. I don't like things that glint and draw too much attention to me. The simplest thing I own is my watch. It's a plain black watch, with the hands in dull gold. The most common kind there is. For some strange reason this subdued watch of mine has been drawing too much attention. I don't know if the dull gold hands are secretly waving out to the people while I turn my head, but very strangely people are asking me about my watch. I think it's just getting some sort of a feeling that's making it crave for attention.
I was in the bus the other day when the lady sitting next to me said, "What a nice watch! I don't see these often, where did you buy it from?"
I looked at her and looked at my watch and then took some time to answer because in my mind I was saying, "Really! This watch? Are you serious!?" But anyway I politely smiled and gave her the details.
I mean I don't know if she was bored and wanted to make conversation but I just could not fathom her interest in my black strip of simplicity!
Recently, someone else came to me and said, "What a pretty watch!" Then she took my hand and looked at it carefully. She looked at with such intent and asked some more questions regarding my watch.
Once again, I frowned at my watch and smiled back. I am still giving it a dirty look. Am I seeing the same thing everyone else is seeing?
My watch is misbehaving, I think I need spend some quality time with it. Maybe, just maybe it'll stop looking for new owners!

Known Strangers..

2010-04-04T10:02:00.001+05:30

Those faces that we know, we recognize but we have no names for. There are numerous people, who we meet regularly and the only reason we know them is because we exchanged smiles. You know them as the chemist, the man who recharges your phone, the man in a bakery who serves you the tasty pastries, the guy in the Chinese restaurant or the lady who gives you a hair cut..
We know these people because somewhere they have become part of our routine. We would recognize them anywhere and we would smile at them. We don't know their names, all we know are their faces.
The people on the bus you take everyday start smiling at you after the fourth or fifth day. They recognize you. The bus conductors give you your ticket before you have given them the money or told them your destination. They are accustomed to you. They know where you want to go. After about a week of taking the bus, the conductor told me to sit and he would bring my ticket. There is a familiarity.
I like my routine. I like the smiles. I like the fact that some person on the bus might wonder where I am if I miss the bus. I like the bus conductor knowing me. I like that one waiter likes waiting on my table and greets me with an extra smile because I visit regularly. These faces in the crowd are the ones that make a certain place home.
I see the girl who irons my clothes in the market and she waves through the crowd. I like knowing these strangers, I like recognizing these strangers I know..

Learning from each other..

2010-03-22T17:10:00.003+05:30

[All those people who frown when I say, 'My Mom's on facebook..' Yes, she is, why must that bother you..?]

When we were small we wanted to grow up and do everything the adults around us did. I remember taking a book and reading it and then proclaiming to the world, 'I have a book just like Mama, and I also read it just like Mama..' I would neatly fold the corner of the page to bookmark it just like my mom! I read that book only because my Mom had a book she would read so interestedly. I don't remember if I actually ever finished that book.
Slowly time flies by and you grow out of all those things. Sense seeps in and reading a book is because you are actually interested in the content. As you grow up you move out of aping your adults and you form your own identity. That is when a role reversal takes place. Your parents want to do and know everything you do. If you show interest in a TV serial they want to watch it too, just so they know what interests their child.
I discovered Harry Potter only after the fourth book had released. We started reading the books and we enjoyed them a lot. My Mom soon wanted to be part of it and she read all the books too and loved them. Her interest in Harry Potter came from the fact that her children were liking it so much, but she grew to like them independent of us. It's like my interest in whatever she did when I was 14..Now I'm 23 and she wants to know what I'm upto. I have no idea when and how this reversal took place.
You have a personality of your own and now you have your own set of likes and dislikes. Some of your ideas are a bit too strong and any amount of suggestions will not make you budge. We are the people the adults around us made. They influenced and taught us. They were part of developing our conscience. We have our own corner in this world. Their curiosity in our lives is just because they want to see and know if the people they created are 'nice and shiny'!
They taught us new things and made us fit to face life as it came. Now we learn things they never did and now its our turn to introduce them to our world. What's wrong with them being part of facebook or them liking the books we like. They are part of the same world..and they have to cope with the changing times too.. they shared knowledge, whats so wrong in them wanting to learn..

Here and There..

2010-03-17T09:40:00.004+05:30

She panted resting her hand on her knee trying to catch her breath. She looked up and peered into the dark expanse of nothingness. She looked over her shoulder; she knew they would catch up soon. She needed to continue running. She clutched the iron rod in her hand to make sure she had a good grip. It was her only defense. She started into a trot as she kept checking over her shoulder. Where had they suddenly come from and why were they after her. She quickened her pace and jogged along. Her foot splashed into a puddle and she shook her shoe to get the water off.
She suddenly saw a faint glow of light ahead. She hurried along. Trees suddenly loomed into existence. She paused and glanced around. In the darkness the trees looked strangely alive. The way they swayed in the wind ran shivers up her spine. She rubbed her arm trying to warm herself. She stopped and felt the hair on her arm rise. She had heard a sound, a twig snapping. Her muscles tensed, she knew someone was close. She gripped onto her only weapon with both her hands. She stood ready for anything that would come her way.
She looked through the trees at the faint glow of light. She somehow knew she had to reach there. It was just a feeling she had. She turned around as she heard another crunch of leaves. Then without warning a man leaped out of the trees. He was wearing black and was covered from head to toe. There was slit in the cloth covering his face for him to see clearly. She looked into his eyes; they were green and glinted in the dark. He had a chain belt around his waist that held in place the weapons he carried. In his hand he had a thick chain with an iron ball at the end. She was terrified, but she stood her ground and returned the glare he gave her. He swung the chain swiftly at her. She ducked and swung the iron bar into his legs when she saw an opening. He staggered back a bit but didn’t fall over. She had thought the blow would make him loose his balance and she would get her chance to escape. He swung his weapon once more at her. She held the iron bar in the path of the chain. The chain caught onto the iron bar and twisted around it. She yanked at the chain with full force out of his hand. He looked startled at what had just happened. His eyes looked at her with menace. She returned the feeling. Before he could equip himself with another weapon she rammed the iron bar into his abdomen. He doubled with pain. She kicked his head with her knee to make him look up and without loosing a second struck him with another blow. He fell to the ground clutching onto his stomach. She jumped over him and turned around. She kicked him hard at the base of his skull. He cried out in pain and slipped out of consciousness. She looked at him for a moment and then turned around and ran, towards the light.
She couldn’t believe her luck. How could she have taken that hefty man down. She thought that it was just her fear that had made her act. She jumped over the broken logs as she charged to what she hoped was safety. The trees abruptly ended and she found herself standing at the edge of a pool. The moon rays bounced of the water. The light seemed to be coming from a structure. She couldn’t make out the exact shape in the dark. All she could fathom was that it was a huge stone structure. She turned and looked around for any sign of movement. Hoping there were no more of those black clad men, she started around the edge of the pool towards the light. When she was half way she heard the sound of people running and crashing through the trees. The sound seemed to get closer. Her guess was that there were about twenty people running towards her. She didn’t wait a second longer. One man might have been easy but getting away from twenty was unimaginable. She charged towards the light. She reached a short wall. Behind the walls were looming towers. In the center of the towers she saw the faint glow of light slowly diminish. It didn’t matter she knew where to go now. She threw the iron bar across the wall. Placing both her hands on the top of the wall she heaved herself up. She heard people splashing through water as she landed on the opposite side.

She picked up the rod and ran towards the center of the towers. When she reached the center she realized she was standing in front of a small hut with a wooden door. She pushed the door open and crept inside. It was completely dark, fully devoid of light. She felt her way around in the darkness. The door shut behind her. She found a small opening that created a small niche in the wall. She couldn’t believe her luck. No one would find her here. She crept into the small space and hugged her knees, waiting. She hoped she would stay safe here. She suddenly felt a hand on her shoulder. She froze. She turned around slowly dreading to see who it was. She felt her hands go cold; there was no one there. She turned around concluding that she must have imagined it all. She turned back and was trying to calm herself down when she felt someone clutch onto her shoulder again. This time the grip was firm and she knew she was not imagining it. She turned and stared at nothing but wall. It was like someone was clutching onto her through another world. She suddenly realized her eyes were tightly shut. The hand on her shoulder shook her a bit. She opened her eyes slowly. Light flooded all around her. She covered her eyes. Glancing around her saw a familiar face smiling down at her. She smiled back as realization dawned over her. She realized she existed in two worlds, and now she was back in reality!

Awake and Alive..

2010-03-09T10:03:00.002+05:30

Everyone is asleep. It’s Sunday, no one wants to wake up and slump out of bed. Everyone wants to sleep till ten and work lazily through the day. It’s 6 am and I feel alive. I put on my jacket and stroll out onto the empty streets. The sun is barely up. The cool air brushes against my cheeks adding a chill to the atmosphere. I look around and take on my usual route. It’s this day that makes me feel free. I want to be up and out in a world where the easy and simple things matter. Everyone feels that working and earning is the way life should be led. Why are these material things so important? I like the simple things that people don’t notice anymore. I like the leaves, sticks and stones. I am tired of people telling me to do something. I want to live the life I have.

I walk on and smile at the magpies sitting on the electric wires. They are my friends. They are real. People have lost their sense of self in the maddening chase to get ahead. What are we achieving? We don’t get the time to enjoy the fruits we get. I walk over the damp grass and sit on the half broken bench. It’s not what everyone would call perfect but it’s what is beautiful. I take out yesterday’s half eaten sandwich and bite in. Things taste better the next day, after it’s spent a night in the fridge. My shoe lace is untied and I don’t care if I am sitting in the proper way. While the world sleeps I live and enjoy my life. I like the imperfection. Why do we want everything to be perfect?

People are always advising me. “Why don’t you do something?”, “Don’t just sit, move, don’t laze.”, “You are wasting your life.”

To me all this seems like far away sounds. I am living my life. Why must I do things in the conventional way? I do everything necessary. Shouldn’t we be in tune with nature? We have complicated ourselves so much that we don’t even realize our true calling.

I hear whispers when I pass people; “some lives are just meant to be wasted.” I agree some lives are, but for me I am living my life. I am alive in the true sense. I am aware of my life and it’s nowhere near wasted!

Black Leer..

2010-03-05T14:51:00.004+05:30

The evening light falls on the street
This strange land smells so sweet
I hop and skip and play with the light
I turn around the corner and look what I sight!

The man in middle, he plays his flute
The little girls fly around the woman with fruit
She juggles and drops one in each hand
The man pumps up the music and creates his band

Giggles and shrieks sound the alley
This strange land, down by the valley
Blooms and grows telling me this story
I look all around, not one person for whom I feel sorry

I wrap my cloak around my face
And walk down the road with a quickened pace
This land it gnaws, it's too happy
My dark stare and they'll soon be soppy

I was playing with this magic around
Who are they to make happy sounds?
My eyes narrow and darkness escapes
Rising over their pretty landscape

The women, the men, the girls and boys
Notice something wrong in their joys
I smirk at their weakened state
Poor people, their joy is mine, they dissipate!

High on the tower in the middle of the town
All their joys didn't help my sorrows drown
I am not satisfied with the magic I took
Enveloped in darkness, for more I look..

Questionable Diversity..?

2010-02-24T15:00:00.002+05:30

We all live in the same country and are proud that India has so much diversity. We belong to a nation that is a mixture of every kind of person. Then why does this very diversity poke and prod at you? If we are part of this one country shouldn't I be allowed to live in peace whereever I want? What's the use of being so diverse if the moment you step out of your 'zone', people start looking at you strangely!
We fight against the fact that we are being racially discriminated against in foreign countries. Why are we arguing about that? When we do the same in our own country, what stops an outsider?

I remember being asked this question- "Why do all you Delhi people settle in Bangalore?"
I just smiled at the question and let it pass. I just want to know.. Why should anyone ask me that question at all. I am part of this country, whose permission do I need to settle where I want!?
We all discriminate, then why do we complain and seem shocked when someone else is doing the same?
We form opinions according to where the person is from; we immediately stereotype.

Why do we form opinions and stereotype so quickly? People in this country do look different and there is a vast discrepancy between them, either deal with it or at least don't pretend to care.

There is no point in arguing the fact that you and I and everybody is a little racist..
When a child is born and is a little dark, the mother rubs cream and all sorts of things on the child to make it a little fairer. Everyone wants a fair bride, every other ad in the paper wants a perfect bahu! Why?
How does the colour of a person's skin define his or her personality?

After all this, isn't questioning other people's racist acts a little hypocritical? Don't say whatever is convenient to you, you either are a racist or you aren't. You can't have a little bit just so it suits you.

The Unborn Girl..

2010-02-22T11:40:00.008+05:30

Indusladies Contest

I am writing this entry for the International Women's Day contest. This piece is under the female infanticide topic.

The Unborn Girl..

'I am here! I love this home, though I have to have patience before I can seek the bright light. I can't wait for that time when I will be born to everyone else. For me, I already love this world. I hear some muffled voices. I thank you mother and father for wanting me..'

'Something is wrong, they want to know who I am.. I am your child..Is that not enough?'

'The muffled voices grow stronger..What are they saying..'

“A girl! What sins must I have done to deserve a girl. Why has God put this curse on us? We can't have this child! We can't take on this responsibility.. This filth you carry must be ended! I won't have it under this roof!”

'A scream.. smash! Why is my father hitting my mother. Just because she is having me..? I don't want her to suffer because of me. But then.. what will become of me..?'

'Where are we going? I hope everything is alright now. I don't hear angry voices like before. I have a fear in my heart that something is not right...Slow sleep takes me...'

The rain pelted down on the woman as she searched for dangers down the dark alley. She would leave and raise this child on her own. She couldn't kill the child in her. That child was already part of her. She closed her dupatta around her tightly and walked down into darkness. The water gushed onto the roads from the drains. She slipped and fell face forward on the ground. She cried in pain as darkness enveloped her.

'I was woken up with a sudden jerk and everything got upset around me. What was happening? Something was terribly wrong. Why wasn't my mother moving? It got cold and uncomfortable inside. I couldn't breath..I wanted air.. something was not right..I am sorry mother if it was me who brought this on you..I.. ..'

Water from the skies poured down on that limp body. All she wanted was for her child to survive. She knew that if she had stayed her family would have killed her unborn. But how had she helped, her child had died anyway..what was wrong with a girl? Why cant she be welcomed everywhere. You were born from that very girl you are shunning now. Why? What harm will she do? Why won't you let her live..?

[I tag my friends- Renju, narcoleptic and Noella]

My Blog entry made it to the top ten entries on the International Women's Day Blog contest held by Indusladies.com!
Congratulations to all the other entries that made it to the top ten..

The Stranger..

2010-02-19T23:23:00.002+05:30

Walking in.. I see you
A stranger to me
You are new..
To me you were born today..
Say, say one of those things
Flutter inside me of wings,
I prefer turning away
I smile.. For me you were born today.

Your head lifts up
You smile..and look down
I see you, you seem to frown
You look my way..
To me you were born today

The days go by..
Seeing you everyday is part of life..
So fast things attach,
How long? Before this will fly
You are still a stranger
I tend not to venture
but as I had gone my way
You were born to me that day..

Lying our way through life..

2010-02-18T15:19:00.002+05:30

'I lied.. I learnt how.. to protect myself! I wanted to escape the consequences of telling you the truth. You taught me how to lie.

The first time I told you the truth you slapped me and chided me for what I had done. I already knew that what I had done was wrong. I already knew, that I had made a mistake. I needed someone to help me understand how I could better myself. I wanted you to help me not punish me.

After the first few times of telling you the truth I knew that I would get scolded this way or that. Telling you the truth wasn't the right thing. I prolonged peace with you for a longer time. Till the time you didn't know, I was safe. I had longer 'better times'. I will deal with the consequences later.. It may be the wrong thing but I don't know better anymore.'

This is how our world works. A child does badly on an exam and comes home and tells his parents. They scold him and hit him, they are annoyed. They send him to his room. Over work him, and stop all the things he likes doing. They pressurize him and stuff down all they can on him. May be if he gets an overdose of what he must learn something will stick. With all this does he really improve?
The shine in his eyes has gone. He is tired of the constant race to do better. He likes to play and paint..

He goes for his exam the next day and does badly. He comes back home and tells his parents he did well.. they smile and tell him to go out and play. They pat him on the back and tell him all he needs to do is concentrate and he will do well.
It worked.. he got a few more days to do what he loves..

Lying becomes easy after the first few times. You know what you are doing is wrong but you do it anyway. You do it to keep peace in your life. I am not saying lying is the right way, it isn't.. but the reason people use it is because it keeps things simple..it's the easier way out..we prefer not going through the struggle..
What's the solution to this?

Drawing Trees..

2010-02-11T15:37:00.003+05:30

I am terrible at drawing..but I want to know how..
I always thought trees were the easiest things to draw.. but I've forever been drawing trees with parallel lines and a curvy circled top. Never really tried to delve into other ways of detailing it out..
Anyway, over the past few days I have been drawing all sorts of trees and it's strangely calming..
So, I'm going to continue spending time with my strange looking trees..
Here are some of what I've been trying my hand at..
Running the pencil up and down on a blank page is somewhat refreshing..

Weird Ideas..

2010-02-07T17:50:00.001+05:30

There are many things we see and want to do. Silly nutty things that we see some villain in a movie doing, or something the actress of a movie does.. something..
I have always wanted to learn how to whistle. I want to whistle so loudly that a taxi or an auto would stop for me.
I have always wondered that when I fall and scrape my knees and elbows, is my mother suddenly getting up from sleep wondering - 'is my child alright?'
I want to listen to someone talk and then rub my chin thoughtfully and say 'hmmmmm..'
I want to learn how to arch one eyebrow up, so next time someone is talking to me, one eyebrow may go up giving rise to evil thoughts! In fact I think rubbing my chin and arching one eyebrow up will do the trick just right. The person talking to me would stop, turn and leave! Ha!
I want to run on the road with a half eaten sandwich as I get late for office! It looks like fun..
I want to stare out of a window and have someone walk into the room. Then without turning my head, I want to say, 'I know you are here! Don't try sneaking up!'
I also want to jump like the Cadbury girl out onto a cricket field to rejoice! May be not just like that..but dancing freely like that, I want to!
I want to dance and sing in the rain and have everyone pour out of their houses and join in the dance as we prance through the puddles!
I want to ride a horse at great speeds while some people chase me over a vast expanse of land..
I want to bang the table with my fist at the end of a discussion and say, 'now thats how it's done!'
I want to sit in a car and follow someone to the airport to stop them from going. Or make them miss their flight. If I end up jumping some signals in the process, that would be just perfect!
I want to swing around in my chair, put my feet on the table and say to some meek person standing in front of me - 'I will take no nonsense from you. I want the clear truth...' Or something to that effect..
I want to run towards someone and end the run in a hug.
There are many more things that I see, and want to do..
Lets see when.. how.. and where!

Help Us.. We want to live..

2010-02-01T14:45:00.001+05:30

I am told that I used to be part of a huge group. I don't see many of me any more and I find it hard to believe. I am, I have heard, the national animal of this country with a diverse heritage. Every corner of this country has a story to tell. I have heard that this country had people who fought to survive, and came out strong to win their freedom.
With their freedom I became their national animal. Every boy and girl learnt that I was in their constitution, honored with that title. There were happy times.
But.. ..
There were some evil people around, my mother once told me. Some people who lurked around. They wanted what was not theirs. They wanted to take lives and homes. They wanted to kill.. why?
Who did they want to kill? .. US..? What had we done..?
There was a sudden crunch, and a twig snapped! Something zipped past me and I saw my mother fall..I heard cries and charging feet, I took one last look wondering what would become of my mother's body and I fled..she had taught me to survive..
I thought I was part of a beautiful land. What was this ugliness? What was this unfair behavior?

Many more were killed, continuously. All those who had died had been my friends. Why had they died?..so some murderer could make some money?.. so their fur could be ripped away from them, so they.. ..
Those evil people wanted our homes. They took it all away, because they wanted more space. They cut down our home.
Isn't keeping quiet about unjust behavior unjust too. Aren't you being unjust too. Why won't someone help us? Save us? I'll be hunted down faster if I try defending my world. My friend took it upon himself to teach every one of those evil people a lesson. He charged into their home just like they had, he destroyed their homes just like they had. He was called a man-eater and groups were made to find and hunt him down. Rewards were set up for the one who killed him! We have equal rights on this planet. We are part of this world. What makes you superior to us?
We are only one thousand four hundred and eleven left and you are still thirsty for more of our blood.
Why give us a title and then abuse it? Why worship us and then destroy that very faith? Why call us important, and worth saving and then leave us to die?
You have a strong force to raise your voice for when things are affecting you directly. If one great man dies, you throng in the streets and create an upheaval just to see that dead man. You fight and burn to portray your grief. You have all the funds to fight your case. You will fight and destroy because you think you are right, without any proof!
Here we are, you know we have been killed, you killed us, why won't you fight this wrong. Why won't you help our cause. You will hunt us down if we want to fight. What must we do? How must we fight!? Give us a solution.. You call yourselves the smartest and the most intelligent species- do you not have an answer? If you don't who does? Who are we to go to..?
We used to live in harmony, then you became intelligent.. and you left us behind..
We are part of this world, things will change when we die. We are part of a balance and without us who knows what would happen. You need us to survive, and we need you. Help us!

Blunt Diplomacy..

2010-01-19T09:51:00.001+05:30

I had an argument yesterday where I said that the world demands you to be diplomatic. If you speak your mind all the time it never works. The counter to that was that if everyone in the world would accept bluntness then it would work! That argument got me thinking..

People have gotten used to the idea of hiding their feelings behind well said phrases. They find it convenient to hide their true emotions behind a bunch of dressed up words. It avoids confrontation. It's not convenient, it's a necessity! How do you survive this world full of egos that never seem to get quenched?
You learn after the first few 'speak your mind moments'. If you are above a person, in terms of age or power then you are allowed to say what you want and how you want to. You won't get reprimanded for it.
We are taught very contradictory things. On one side our elders tell us not to bottle up our emotions. They tell us, 'you must say what is in your heart'. On the other hand they tell us you can't say what you want to, there is a way of putting your point across. Till the time our minds are not voicing an opinion about them, we are right. It's how the world works,- 'My advice is correct till the time it isn't used against me!'
We are taught to be liars at some level. You need to know how to lie, or in better words talk 'correctly'!
You can't go up to your boss and say, 'What you are doing is wrong, your way is very complicated! My way makes more sense.' He would have too much of an ego to understand you might mean well. He won't admit your way is better. You say, 'We could do it like this, what do you think, Sir?' He'll listen then!
There are conditions attached to everything in the world. We are all hypocrites in different ways. We are this way because this is what works. It's sad that we can't speak our minds without being stifled from some direction. There is a way of saying everything. People read into every sound and expression you make. Your body language, your tone your demeanor everything is being scrutinized.
We have all become too proper. We get bothered too easily. Everything matters a bit too much..

Weird Awareness..

2010-01-18T10:51:00.000+05:30

There are these silly ways of making people aware and they just keep getting sillier. Recently someone on Facebook started a new way of making people aware of breast cancer. All women got a mail saying that they should write down the colour of their bras in their status on their profiles. This act was somehow supposed to spread awareness about breast cancer.
Everyone suddenly had colours floating around their profiles. Soon people started commenting on the colours. Breast cancer was never once mentioned.. it was only 'wow nice, wow unusual!' and so on.. where was the actual cause?
If something like this was done without any agenda it would have made more sense. I could guarantee that not one of those people became more aware of breast cancer.
I never understand these strange ways of spreading awareness, the main issue is lost.
I remember watching the news one year after 26/11, where people were re-addressing the issue. They showed people having concerts and people coming from far off places to participate in candle light vigils. The reasons for them being there was that they had the urge to do something. They wanted to make a difference. I want to ask how traveling that much and lighting a candle made a difference. How did singing and dancing portray their fight against terrorism?
I can't understand how all those things make a difference. Everyone does them and then after a while it is all obsolete!
This is a strange way to making ourselves aware...

Your face makes me smile..

2009-10-26T12:30:00.004+05:30

That sentence you never want to hear, that news you don't want to receive. Someone you've loved and had in your life has ceased to exist. It happens, life ends and continues. It's the bond with that person that stays with you, no one can take that away. No amount of distance can weaken that. Close your eyes and there they are smiling back at you. As the tears fall from closed eyes a smile spreads across your face and you know life is going to be just fine.

You make peace with the fact that you'll never again see that person in physical form. That peace shatters with every memory, it brings a tear from somewhere inside. But that person has left you with numerous reasons to smile and that is all you need.

I close my eyes and I see you there, smiling. I don't remember your frowns, I don't remember your pain. You were happy and bright and that is how I will remember you. I miss giving you a hug, I miss telling you stories. I miss irritating you and you shaking your head.

I miss you but I know you are fine, you are happy. I have no regrets and I have no worries. You made me happy, your face made me smile, how can I regret all that?

You continue to shine. I know I can't touch you any more but I can see you. Your presence will linger around. You have always been a part of us and that's why we love life.

I will never stop loving you or loving life.

You've been part of making me, and I love you for that!

Sunshine..

2009-06-30T16:43:00.001+05:30

I look up and smile
It's been a while
Since there was a glow
I have been a little low
You've brought back that spark
I am getting back what I lacked

You've never judged
You've never held a grudge
You stood patiently
For me, to revive
And be alive

I have felt the rain
Wash away the pain
Your smile, your presence
Gave the drops that essence

I have felt you there
Warming the cold inside
Shining on me bright
I know, you care

I worry you
But you understood
What you had to do
You let me speak
And I knew that you would
Continue listening, for more than you could

I'll always look back
And find you there
Filling the bare
I know, you'll shine
And keep adding the smiles.

Believing The Change..

2009-06-17T09:53:00.002+05:30

To summon that faith,
And believe that you can do it,
You just don't know how,
But the time is now.

How do you rise?
How do you be wise?
When everything is streaming..
And all you want is to go back to dreaming..

It's everyone else that needs,
And would finally reap,
From your decisions,
That are made through insistence.

Why not decide,
Without knowing the end,
Walk down the bend,
Without caring what might preside.

It's a change, what can you do?
You wanted it, then why,
Are you hiding away, so shy?
Look it in the eye, and accept the open sky..

Mulberries..Frogs..and Secret Stairways..

2009-05-29T09:48:00.001+05:30

There are certain tastes, smells, and sounds that stick with you forever.. things that remind you of your childhood..

We moved a lot and shifted many schools when we were small.. and every place left with us something new and nice.. Every house we stayed at.. had a unique smell and feel..and something that we would remember forever, constantly reminding us of that time..

In Adampur (Punjab) we had a house with a big garden. At one end of the garden was a huge eucalyptus tree which we would use as our wicket whenever we played cricket. We had drawn the stumps on the trunk of the tree, so that the umpire had an easy job of making a decision. The garden was not huge enough to be a proper cricket field but it served just fine!
Near the tree was a tap with a small cemented pit. The water would drip from the tap and the pit would constantly be full of water. At the bottom sat a huge, gigantic frog, must have been a toad.. It sat there silently for the two and half years we stayed there. We would sit for sometime staring at the frog croaking under water. I never once remember it outside that pit. We didn't use that tap much except while watering the garden which would end up in us spraying each other with the pipe. I loved making the water go high up by placing my thumb over the mouth of the pipe.
The back part of our house was where wild tall grass would grow. We would get to see an occasional mongoose or snake there..
The far end of that area towards the fence were a row of mulberry bushes. The fruit on it were the best. We would wade through the grass and pick ripe round black juicy ones. The best part about it was that the bushes were that tall, and so we could easily reach and pluck the nice ones.

G-789 was the number in the Palam Air Force camp.. One of the other houses that I loved (Delhi).

This house wasn't like the house in Adampur. There were four houses, separated with garages aligned in a semi circle. It wasn't really a garage, but a shed where a car would fit in. There was a common gate for all four houses.
The four rooms of the house were aligned in a row, one after the other..and each one had a door that let to the front and one that led to the back. The back part of the house had a very small vegetable garden and a flight of dingy steps that went up to the roof. The steps were small and a mango tree grew right over it. We had to duck under it to reach the top. This was our secret stairway that wasn't all that secret.
We used to open all the doors and play 'space above and beyond'.. We would take up different characters and fight aliens and other things. We would climb up and down the steps at the back going on various missions..
We had a cane swing that was lying in one of the rooms. It was big and when put on the floor would become like a big bowl. This was our space ship, our boat.. the general vehicle for everything..
The house, generally was nice, it's where I learnt how to ride a bike. I still remember the feeling of suddenly finding out that I could balance.
We plucked mangoes and wrapped them in newspapers, put them away in drawers waiting for them to get sweet.
We frequently saw peacocks dancing on the roof, that meant that there were great chances of rain.

There are many more memories that stay with us forever.. that we keep remembering and smiling.. that we'll tell our children about.. that make great stories..

Changing Perceptions..

2009-05-28T09:50:00.003+05:30

My aunt always comes up with small games that squeeze opinions and ideas out of us. We like them, even though sometimes we frown and fuss over the whole idea.
On one such occasion she asked us to write down our idea of what we thought was romance..
I wrote on a small piece of paper.. 'Going on a long drive picking up something to eat along the way and just driving in the breeze..'
I was in the 11th then and my perception to me was something I never imagined having at that time..But my drive with the faceless person was just.. nice..
My aunt read all our chits and smiled.. she told me then that in few years my idea of romance would change.. and I thought what the change could be.. but never really hung onto it.. and life went on..

Many years later, when I think of that question I realise that she was right, my perception has changed..
Just having a talk with someone.. Laughing at small things.. eating hot pakoras on a rainy day.. reading old letters and mails.. making hot tea for someone.. tucking someone in at night.. saying good night.. smiling in the morning.. having small fights.. getting wet in the rain..
These things that you share with someone.. that you cherish.. is romance to me..
I don't know if this perception will change.. but..
I like the idea and the nice part is that it doesn't have to be that one person.. my talks could be with anyone.. it's what makes you smile with all your heart..

2009-02-27T14:35:00.001+05:30

Far away over the edge

I'm trying hard, I cannot judge

The slow breeze, so cold

I stand and freeze, I want to lie down

I want to drown

Get soaked in the words

And fly high, with the birds

Hold on, I'm taking you along

Look around, from above

Clutch tight, with love

Follow the twisted line

I'm taking you, you're mine

Listen closely, to what I've to say

It'll all echo, and play

Like music, inside you

Step over the edge

I've judged it through

I don't have to try hard

The warmth is seeping through

The cold is barred

Jump with me

Drench your soul

Feel the breeze

We're a whole

I'm trusting this change

I stand and gauge

I want to run

Not lie down

You are with me

And now I can see!

2009-02-25T09:24:00.001+05:30

It's that pitter-patter sound with the occasional thunder that soothes and takes me away from around here. Someone calls my name but I don't care, all I want to do is get wet in these sounds. I've been feeling low for the last few days, I don't know why... it has been the strangest feeling, I've been dancing, talking, and smiling but I've felt like holding on to something... I don't think anyone around me even knows how I feel.. but that's alright! That's something that's adding to the strangeness of all this...
It hasn't rained for a long time.. I hope it rains.. I long to get drenched.. I want to be soaking wet.. I've discovered a nice place in my house, I knew it existed but I hadn't realized the joy it could give..
It's the highest point of the house, after you climb onto the terrace there are iron rods that jut out of the wall making a ladder.. it leads up to where the water tank is..
I've always been scared of climbing the ladder.. I've been scared of falling.. I always thought that if I went up I would never be able to get back down..
I did it some days back.. I went up.. it was great.. there was a slight breeze and I could see over many homes.. the feeling was nice.. I stayed there for a long time.. staring at the clouds.. I found peace.. That strange feeling settled.. I forgot I had to go down.. I was terrified that I would slip and fall.. but nothing happened and I descended smoothly.. am so happy that I went up that ladder..
I can go there alone now.. and be by myself.. read.. lie.. and get wet in those thoughts.. I found peace in the middle of everything!

Calm..

2009-02-11T09:39:00.001+05:30

I've just not understood how..
Once in while there is a feeling that creeps in and makes you feel empty.. you can never tell why or how, but it happens. Everything is a blur, you feel like you are walking in slow motion, all you want to do is lie and stare at absolutely nothing..
Even though the feeling is strange and uncomfortable, it leaves you with a sense of peace.. it gives you clarity and time to think..
Even after all this thinking I don't think I know how or why, I want to go ahead with it, I want to, for once forget what everyone would think and say, but I don't think I ever will. I would like to disappear for sometime and come back to everything being the same, if only..

I can't understand this strange calm in me.. I like the ruffled feeling, the calm scares me.. maybe someday when I give in to the calm I'll understand its true importance.. for now i suppress it. Someone to talk to, has just never helped me, I just can't. I find it difficult to talk when there is someone constantly looking at me.
Many people tell me things, and then they ask me why i won't share or tell.. but I somehow just can't, I shove everything into the place where everything is calm.
Hopefully that place will remain calm, and will stop rumbling.. I am beginning to understand that feeling.. i need to share, I can't hide away everything...

To Paru.. the wisest, the smartest, the weirdest..

2009-02-10T21:15:00.001+05:30

We all hope that we would have someone in our lives to lend us absolute support. Someone who would not look and analyze everything we do. Someone who we could be our crazy selves with. Someone who would listen to us for as long as we wanted. Someone who would always have a solution for us. We hope to get that unconditional love. Most of us manage without it; I am glad I haven't had to!

I got my super human in the form of my sister. She is the one who teaches me most things in life. In simple ways she allows me to draw strength from her. She may fight and frown upon many of the things I do, but she always understands. She is the most important part of my life.

LIFE WITH PARU

Nothing is perfect in this world. Neither is life with Paru. It might be the best, but it’s nowhere near perfect. Who wants perfection anyway? It’s like when you get up in the morning and roll yourself out of bed. You look at the groggy eyed person in the mirror and push your brush back and forth not realizing where what cleans what. You aren’t awake till the first splash of alertness hits your face. You know this isn’t perfect but you like it this way and would not want to change the rhythm for anything.

Fresh smiles that would make your day are what life with Paru brings. Nasty frowns that would put you in a foul mood are also what life with her brings. Her wisdom is out of this world. Her brain functions at odd times in odd ways. There is no telling what might happen next. You might find yourself having the most useless argument, or laughing secretly at someone else’s plight. Life with her brings unexpected twists and turns.

This is just the beginning, there are numerous things and incidences that are worth mentioning..

My First..

2009-02-10T19:33:00.000+05:30

I don't know what fear i've had of this, but finally..

I told myself that it's just about sitting down and letting it flow..

I told someone I'm starting a blog, and they asked me what it was about, I don't think I know..

Why must it be about something? It is just a compilation of when random thoughts flow..

I love things that are not so perfect, the randomness is what makes life beautiful.. here's to many random thoughts..